‘Small Remedies’ by Shashi Deshpande. I just finished it today and I must say it has completely absorbed me for the past few days. Such fine insights into how we think, and particularly about the many fears and insecurities we harbor and how much we lie to ourselves.
A line of thought that particularly struck me- that ultimately we only want to keep away the negatives from our life; everything we do is about that. But the thing is, disaster, misery, disappointment and many other negatives await us, round the corner. Of late, I’ve caught myself having irrational fears at the strangest moments. I miss a call from home and I wonder if my child is unwell. Rahul doesn’t call at the end of a flight and I wonder….the more you have invested in certain relationships, the more you fear for the ones you love.
I am aware of the pointlessness of fear. I really want to break out of these cycles of negativity. Reading the book made me realize that we hold on to the fears because we perceive it as a proof of our love, because we seek our own attention through it, because we are ashamed to express these fears and let them out of our system. We feed on our fears and become objects of pity in our own eyes. Yes, its ridiculous, but life is very strange.
I guess it is important to reinforce the positives in your life. I’ve taken to doing that every time I experience negative emotions. I tell myself to enjoy all the good stuff while it is there. Life is short. Its good to live the moment, take the pleasures on offer and move on. For not moving on is the only option we do not have.